Ex boyfriends and racing!

Extreme Weirdness Alert!

(Just as an FYI – my ex and I broke up about 5.5 years ago, and I honestly don’t think I’ve dreamed of him since! This is an odd one, and I don’t have any contact with him, so I wonder what triggered this!)

In my dream, I suddenly woke up with my ex-boyfriend in our bed snuggled on the other side of me. It was a Sarah sandwich. I jumped up and pushed him out. “What the hell are you doing here?!” I yelled. I realized that Kevin was still sleeping and basically dragged this ex to the living room. “What the hell! How the hell did you get into our apartment first of all? And why did you think it was appropriate to get into our bed?!?!”

He just shrugged and said he had something important to say.

Well then. That makes it ok.

I stood there staring at him, daggers shooting from my eyeballs.

He just shrugged again.

Then it dawned on me….”Wait, how did you find my address?”

“Oh I just called a few people, someone had it written down.”

“Who??” I asked, knowing full well that it was unlikely my family would just give out my address to ex boyfriends.

He shrugged again. So nonchalant, this dude.

I walked to the kitchen to get a drink of water and he had set up a roll out bed, which was coming out from the counter. Amazingly we had all this space for a bed in here, how did Kevin and I not realize this??

“You brought a BED?!” I shrieked. I was on the edge here, ready to throw knives, or something heavy. Or call 911. Yet, I was very aware that Kevin was still sleeping, and I didn’t really want to wake him up. Priorities, people!

“Why the F*** are you here? You need to tell me, then get the hell out before I call the police!” I had something in my hand ready to throw at his head.

“Oh I’m getting married on Friday and wanted to know a few things, like if you’re available and if you wanted to be a bridesmaid, or at least just attend.”

My response was pretty wicked.

“That is ridiculous! You can’t ask someone less than a week before a wedding to be a BRIDESMAID! I DON’T EVEN HAVE A DRESS!”

Then I mostly snapped back to dream-reality and then stared at him with a look of bewilderment. 

“I am just speechless that you thought it was acceptable to break into our apartment, bring a bed, then (shuddering and gagging) sneak into my bed. That is disgusting and creepy! You realize this makes you full on crazy, right?”

He just shrugged again. He was almost silent for this whole encounter, which was completely infuriating.

 I just started yelling “GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!” 

At which point my dream turned into a race dream!

I had my full on gear and race bib, and I was ready to go. We got to the starting line and it wasn’t a road race, but some unmarked trail race. I started off following the crowd, and then it broke into 3 or 4 different groups going different ways, so I just picked a group and followed them. We went over a little hill and through some shrubbery and realized we had taken a short cut! Which apparently was totally cool in this race! 

We kept running and it starts to thunderstorm and lightning streaks across the sky. This makes me run faster, and I’m zooming by people like I’m the Roadrunner being chased by Wile E. Coyote. It was awesome! Then, someone yells that the finish line had changed! Interesting turn of events! So we stop at some community centre to use the washroom, and as I’m taking my rain jacket off, it falls in the toilet! NO! At least it was ‘clean’ water, I thought, and wondered if I should just leave it there. I decided that no, since it was a present, I would carry it with me anyway.

So I’m back outside and it starts to pour, which is fine because then my jacket is being somewhat washed! The group I’m with takes another shortcut and we end up on the other side of the finish line! They are all super excited, but I’m trying to tell them that their chip never crossed the finish line and therefore they are still in the race! No one is listening to me, and are all high-fiving each other on their awesomeness. 

So I cross the finish line from the wrong way, and I’m yelling, “Will it work this way??” And no one is answering. So I go back and forth across the finish line, each time it’s beeping to acknowledge I crossed, but I just keep going to ensure it’s working. 

I go back and forth at least 5 times and then I yell, “I finished the race 5 times! I’m awesome!”

Cat-skunks and babysitting!

Saturday January 21 2012

Just FYI – I slept for nearly 10 hours last night, so that might explain the time for all of these adventures!

The president of the company I work for is over in our apartment with his wife and is demanding a variety of things. For example, that the couch is moved to the other room or that he absolutely needs a blanket for the chair. It’s not even like the general dream feeling where I just accept that he’s there and instead I’m just standing there looking at him weirdly because I don’t know how he got into our apartment, or how he even knows where I live. Then his wife is in our kitchen making a snack with yogurt, nuts, flax, etc…something that I would eat, and she’s just helping herself to our food. I’m just looking at them both, shaking my head, and shrugging at Kevin who is just as confused as I am.

The next dream we’re babysitting the youngest character on Modern Family – Mitchell and Cameron’s daughter Lilly, and she has an infant brother in my dream. So Kevin and I are attempting to make dinner, when they’re running around and not listening. So Lilly starts eating junk food and I put it away, then she somehow gets it back. I tell her that for eating the junk food after I asked her not to, she has to sit in the chair for time-out for 2 minutes. I put the timer on beside her and go to find her brother who somehow learned to walk in the 10 minutes they’ve been here. I come back and she’s eating the damn cheetos again. I try the time-out thing again, then her brother (let’s call him Mitch) races to the stove, which is weirdly at his height so he can easily reach the burners! I have food on each of the burners and he’s trying to put his hands on all of them (let’s be honest here, I should’ve known it was a dream at that point because the last time I cooked something was in 2007). 

While I’m trying to stop Mitch from severely burning himself, Lilly runs and grabs the cheetos. Then I try and talk to Lilly, and Kevin’s friends walk in at the same time Mitch needs to have a bath. 

Kevin bathes Mitch and he’s screaming and flailing about, so I’m standing there trying to offer my (obviously better) suggestions and Lilly is running around with something liquid and is about to pour it on the food. I grab a towel for the baby, and pick Lilly up in my other arm, then as Mitch is being wrapped in the towel, he suddenly grows to over 6 feet tall and has facial hair. *POOF* he’s a grown man now! I wonder if the water is magic and we’ve discovered a way to move forward in time, or I’m imagining this entire thing and then I blink and he’s back into a baby again.  Weird, but I shrug and go back to asking Lilly to please put the cheetos back in the cupboard forthelasttimeOMG.

Now we’re in some weird swampy place that has small docks surrounding an island that looks like a rainforest. We’re walking (with the 2 small kids) on these wooden docks that nearly sink if we all stand on one. We’re trying to find a good seat, but I’m not sure what we’re watching, or why we’re here with about 50 other people. Everyone is taking a seat and so we’re settling in and someone wants to use my camera, so I pass it over (without even knowing who it was! Aren’t I the nicest??). It gets passed around down the line, and I wait several minutes to get it back.

It doesn’t show up so I pass Mitch to Kevin and I say I’m going to look for it. Somehow, I wind up on dry land where more people are sitting, but there are hundreds of cats that are actually skunks and they’re spraying people. No one seems to notice and I’m trying to dodge these (freaking adorable) kittens and cats with a little white tip on their tail. I’m still looking for my camera and all of a sudden I’m on one side of some chain-linked fences and there are tigers or coyotes coming, so a bunch of us are climbing up the fence, and we have to jump to the next fence, and then the next one before we can climb down and actually be safe. I’m apparently a pro-fence climber and have no trouble. Several other kids are terrified so I stretch myself between the fences and help them reach the other side. Again, I’m pretty much the nicest person that ever existed in my dreams.

We’re back to where everyone else is, and I find my camera just in time to take a great picture of a sunset.

Now I’m at some hotel –resort place and my boss (the Vice President) is looking for me. She’s calling me on the phone in my room, and whenever I enter in her extension, it goes to some random guy. I call “0” for help and he asks what I need, and I tell him I’m trying to reach the VP, and he says in a really snarky voice, “Well it better not be for an interview because you are 30 minutes late. How do you expect to be even SEEN by her if you’re that late? Do you have any sense of professionalism?” 

Um, what is this, The Devil Wears Prada???

So I kindly report back, “Actually I already work for her, and she’s been calling me. Don’t you ever talk to me in that tone again.” And I hang up. But then I’m back to square one because I hung up before he could help me.

I go out to the pool area to look for her, and I see some of the cat-skunks again. I show them to my mom (Where are we? On vacation or something??) and she tries to explain the origins of this weird breeding phenomenon. 

The end.

Black Creek Pioneer Village and Ghosts

Wednesday January 18^th

We were in an old house on a historic site, it was a museum where people dressed up – think Black Creek Pioneer Village. There was a ghost who blended in because of his costume, but he was carrying around a gun. There was also a white bus full of seniors visiting, and throughout the day they would arrive, slowly pile out, walk around and climb back in. I apparently was by the bus loading station every time this happened. 

As it got later in the day, Kevin and I were lost and in this particularly drafty museum house and the ghost would appear every so often. As it got darker, we had to make a fire and try and insulate the house with whatever we could find, and apparently all we found were random sweaters and white tissue paper. Which is actually a REALLY GREAT idea.  

So we’re going around this weird museum house looking for actual wood and creeper-ghost keeps showing up and scaring us. He just sort of stands there, holding his gun, looking at us menacingly. I tried to follow the “well known” advice in pop culture and ask the ghost what he wanted from us, but he never answered. We assume this was his actual house and Black Creek Pioneer Village stole it and he’s unhappy with this development.

We never question why we didn’t just leave the historic village before closing time, but apparently we’re content with not trying to leave at all and instead look for wood in this fake house.

Shape shifting, puppies, and slapping, oh my!

Friday January 6, 2012

First, my  brother and I are in park walking along a trail and he has a brand new Sheltie puppy. He has this weird harness made of chains, instead of the regular comfortable material, and her front legs keep getting caught in it, and he doesn’t notice. So I keep reminding him that she’s getting caught and probably hurting herself, and he seems mildly concerned, fixes her harness and keeps walking. This keeps happening and I’m getting increasingly frustrated with him, “Pay attention!” I yell at him. He just shrugs. We keep walking and I try and teach him how to positively reinforce the puppy when she obeys a command by saying, “yes” in a high pitched voice and giving her a treat. I demonstrate this a few times and the puppy is wagging her tail and trotting along. (Let me just say by this point I’m in love with this puppy, but have no plans to steal it, even though I seem more interested in her than my brother). He tries the reinforcing but it doesn’t seem to work. 

Then he lets her (GASP) OFF LEASH. The park is in between 2 roads, and across the roads are all these backyards/houses with no fences. I yell at him, “WHAT THE HELL! She could get hit by a car, she could get lost, how are you going to catch up with her? She doesn’t even know her name, how would you call her and how would she come back?” Then, get this, I slap my brother on the face. Like, full on slapped. Which is kind of weird because I used my left hand, but I’m right-handed.  He stands there shocked. “Shit” I say. “I’m sorry, I only meant to do it lightly to get your attention, did that hurt?” He says no, and looks at me bewildered. “You can slap me back,” I say. “It’s only fair.” So my little brother slaps me back. 

Now we’re even and move on to being worried about the dog again. He does not seem overly concerned with any of the things I said, but replies, “She’ll be fine, she’s smarter than you think she is.” And of course, the baby puppy sits nicely and doesn’t run away.

Cut to a scene where I’m a shape shifter, as a Wolf, (thanks to watching True Blood last night) and my brother is a Duck. He’s having problems in this pond we're in (go figure) because it’s so cold and the water is freezing solid. We get out of the water and see some other shape shifting Wolves coming at us, so I tell him to fly away and I’ll shape shift to something else. As he’s shifting, a Swan with a loud, burly voice (think Barry White) flies by and says, “Have fun with that.” And as the wolves are closing in, all I can think about is how hilarious it looks to have a pretty Swan with the manliest/deepest voice I’ve ever heard.